Help
by MJ-obsessed95
Summary: Sam is depressed. Freddie finds out. What will happen? Dark content/theme. Contains cutting. Seddie one-shot. Please r&r! MJ-obsessed95.x


**Help**

iCarly FF by Abby Woods

Help. It's exactly what Sam Puckett needed but she was too proud to say anything. So she kept it to herself, pushing the pain away to an unknown region of her brain, only letting it surface at night. At night she could let out her emotions and pain. She could cry at night cos it was dark and no-one can see you crying. It was better when her mother wasn't home cos there was no chance of interruption. It was even better when it was raining because then her tears would mingle with the rain and no-one could tell that she was crying. But, at the same time, Sam always felt sad when it rained because it felt as though the sky was crying, however, she loved the rain because it felt so cool, so cleansing, as if it were washing away all her worries and sorrows. Thunderstorms were better because the lightning which flashed across the sky, tearing it apart, made it seem as if the sky were having could feel pain, the thunder like giant sobs or angry growls. In the thunderstorms, it was as if the sky knew just how Sam felt.

It was harder at school. She let out the pain in an entirely different way, violence. She didn't want to but she believed crying was weak, only dorks like Freddie cried. She wore a whole different exterior. No-one knew that she was hurting on the inside, or the outside. No-one knew about the cuts and bruises, not even Carly. And there was definitely no way that the dork would ever know. If one of her friends were sick, or both, Sam would just sit alone and talk to no-one. Carly never seemed to notice anything and if Freddie did, he kept it to himself, probably out of fear for getting a Texas wedgie.

One day she let her cover slip. Carly wasn't at school because Spencer was down with the flu and she wanted to take care of him and Freddie was out of school too, probably having one of his all-day check-ups from his mum. Sam sat alone outside in the summer rain, for once her food left alone in the bottom of her bag, no matter how much her stomach growled with hunger, she wasn't going to eat. Sam sighed and made sure no-one was around. The courtyard was deserted, everyone having crammed inside when it started raining. Everyone except Sam. She just sat in the rain as it steadily got heavier, ignoring the teachers calling her in. Finally they had given up on her and she sat there, her blonde hair plastered to her head, unruly and knotted. Reaching into her bag, she pulled out her 'gratified' pencil case and grabbed her scissors. Shoving the pencil case back into her satchel, she dried an area of skin on the inside of her arm, by her elbow, with her top and placed the icy blade against her skin. She pushed, gently at first, then harder, as she slowly dragged the blade across her fair skin. It left a red mark so she did it again, repeatedly, harder. Soon a thin line of crimson liquid oozed from the cut, running down in a tiny stream onto the scissors. Gasping at the slight shock of pain, Sam ignored it and cut again, harder and faster. More blood flowed from the new cuts and Sam smiled. Once she had made about 10 cuts, she grabbed her dink bottle from her bag, took off the tea-towel which was wrapped around it and covered her arm with it. She washed her scissors with water and stowed them away in her jeans pocket-she may need them yet. Little did she know, someone she hadn't seen in her quick scan of the courtyard had witnessed the whole event.

That night, Sam sat awake. She was over at Carly's, Spencer having been getting better quickly. The Shays were like that. They recovered quickly. Sam glanced at her sleeping friend, her brunette hair fanned around her face, making her look somewhat angelic. Sam then glanced at the clock. 3:30 AM. She got up to look for something to eat. She wasn't hungry. She never was. She was just bored. Sam ate when she was bored and just put on a show for her friends, making them think that she was food obsessed. Before all the bad things started to happen, she _was_ always hungry, she _was_ obsessed with food. But, for nearly 5 years now, since she was 10, Sam Puckett had barely eaten, only when she was around other people did she eat, only so that she didn't worry them, so that they thought she was normal. Deciding to skip her food, she pulled a black hoodie with a sequin butterfly on the front, over her black tank top. She walked out the door, careful not to wake Spencer in the room next door. She smirked as she peered in to make sure he was asleep. He was lying spread-eagled on the bed, his covers on the floor, displaying his duck pyjamas to the world. Sam chuckled and left the apartment. Feeling a cool breeze, she followed it and found herself on the fire escape. Perching herself on the edge of the wall, she looked down at Seattle, watching the few cars zoom by on the highway. A cool breeze blew her hair back, calming her. Sam smiled, tasting the tang of rain in the air. 'Running Away' by AM started running through our favourite blonde 14 year old's head. She closed her eyes and thought about nothing, her mind blank, letting memories shift, gliding in and out of her vision. She thought about the time she and Freddie'd had their first kiss on this very fire escape. Sam took a deep shuddering breath and sighed. She heard a noise behind her and turned her head, the wind whipping her hair in front of her face. She opened her eyes to see Freddie standing there, looking cautious. Sam smiled, trying to be polite, thankful she'd worn her hoodie as it covered the cuts. He returned the smile and sat down next to her. He said nothing, but his eyes were full of questions, asking what was the matter and was she okay. Sam gazed into his eyes, orbs which glistened like chocolate pools, reading them, surprised. She shrugged. He shook his head and looked at her, staring into her ocean blue eyes which were clouded with mystery. Looking deeper he saw sorrow and loneliness. This surprised Freddie. The two felt it start to rain, heavily. Freddie went to move but saw Sam still there, her face pointed at the sky, her eyes red. He looked at her with a puzzled expression. He was even more surprised when he noticed tears falling down her face. Was Samantha Puckett _crying?_ He did the only thing he could think of and reached his arm out, wrapping it around her thin waist. Freddie was expecting her to break it and was extremely surprised when she nuzzled closer to him, burying her head into his chest, her tears falling thick and fast onto his old yellow t-shirt which he was using as pjs. Her hand found its way onto his chest, her fingers curling slightly while her other hand kept her balanced on the wall. Freddie stretched out his other arm and cuddled her close, hugging her tight, allowing her to cry. Sure, Freddie felt weird about her crying, but he had witnessed her doing stranger things today.

The two frenemies stayed like that for a long time, and the rain slowly eased. Sam finally lifted her head and gave Freddie a watery smile, her hair soaking wet like the rest of her, her cerulean eyes brimming with tears. Sam pushed her fist into her eyes, wiping away the tears. Freddie looked at her, his chocolate eyes full of concern, his dark brown hair flat against his head from the rain. Sam rolled her eyes and ran her hand through Freddie's hair several times, making it spike up, making her smile. Freddie could imagine what he looked like and grinned at her. Sam nuzzled into his chest, as if seeking warmth and reassurance. Freddie hugged her before dropping one of his arms and lifting her chin up. He could see the surprise in Sam's eyes as he did this and leaned in, his lips brushing against hers, pulling her into a warm, gentle kiss. Their special moment didn't last very long but it was sweet. Freddie's lips tasted minty, and Sam's, well, Sam's tasted like ham. They broke apart and smiled at each other. Freddie helped Sam up and they walked inside, giving one another a parting wave as Freddie snuck back into his apartment and Sam went into Carly's. Sometimes, there was nothing better than a moment in the rain with a friend when you needed someone.

A few days passed and Sam and Freddie would smile at each other, however, no matter how much Freddie asked her, Sam couldn't stop cutting herself. Everything was pretty peaceful-to the outside world that is. Freddie worried about Sam and school, Carly worried about boys, school and her two friends getting together and Sam, well, Sam felt nothing. She walked around as a shell, not feeling anything, going about her normal business subconsciously, for the public, out of habit.

Sam wasn't at school a few days later. Freddie worried that it was his fault, because of the nagging. It wasn't though. Sam had been at Carly's again and had awoken to her phone buzzing. She read the text message and dressed hurriedly, writing a note for Carly. Donning a pair of black skinny jeans, black Converses and a black spaghetti-strap top with a belt which did up under the bust, and her black butterfly hoodie, Sam brushed her hair and slid a black headband into her long curly blonde tresses before bolting downstairs. Lewbert wasn't in the lobby yet, so Sam didn't have to endure his shrieks, heading straight out the doors of Bushwell Plaza to the car parked outside in which her mum was waiting. Her mother was also in an all black attire. Dressed in a knee-length black dress with black tights and ballet flats, her hair piled on top of her head, some of it already falling out of the bun, Mrs Puckett drove to the cemetery. Yes, Sam was attending a funeral service. When they arrived, Sam and her mother walked toward the gravesite. There was a large ebony coffin in the ground, a wreath of red roses on the top around a silver plaque which read, 'Christopher John Philips.' The priest said many words over the body of Sam's grandfather, tears spilling down her mother, Rachel's, cheeks as she watched her father be laid to rest. Sam watched, stony-faced, tears streaming uncontrollably down her cheeks. Sam stood, shoulders shaking, next to Melanie and Rachel, her face damp with tears. Once the earth was placed over the coffin, Sam laid a bunch of white roses on the grave, sprinkling red rose petals around them. With that, Sam said goodbye to her last living relative that wasn't her mother or Melanie.

On the weekend, Sam stayed at Carly's with Melanie while their mother sorted out some things to do with their grandfather's death. Freddie requested a private talk with Sam in which Sam spilled everything, the cancer, the surgery, the therapy, the cancer coming back, the nursing home and his death. Sam burst into tears for the second time Freddie'd seen and he held her, making gentle shushing noises and he hugged her, for he too knew what it was like to lose someone, even if they weren't that close to you. Sam smiled and hugged Freddie tighter, letting the tears stream down her face. Sam didn't know what came over her. She'd just spilled her guts to the least expected of people. Carly knew, of course, what had happened, because Sam had finally told her two days before the funeral. Carly had always been there for Sam, she was like a rock, a person for her to count on. When Sam had first encountered death at 10, Carly was there, and again at 12. Carly didn't know about the cuts though, but Melanie did. Melanie and Sam had grown quite close over the past couple of months and they told each other everything. But, here, in Freddie's arms, Sam felt safe, like nothing could hurt her while she was there. It was wrong, she knew, but it felt so right. Sometimes, there's nothing better than a shoulder to cry on, a person to be there for you, someone you can rely on, someone to whom you don't have to say anything, that they'll be there for you no matter what. Sam looked up at Freddie and smiled, a smile he returned before kissing her gently on the lips. With unspoken consent, the two walked into the kitchen holding hands. Carly smirked, Melanie looked slightly put out and Spencer looked absolutely gobsmacked. Sam smiled at them and went to the fridge. For the first time in 5 years, Samantha Puckett was hungry again.

**A/N: Hey guys this is my first non-verbal one-shot iCarly fan fic. Please go easy on me! Please review! **

**MJ-obsessed95.x**


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